Military Resources
Looking into my son’s room, I imagine it empty and the tears well up. This is our first home as a married couple. This is our first home with a child. This home is our first everything. It’s so sad to think sweet little Jameson won’t even remember this special place where everything began. By the time he is old enough to remember anything, we’ll be long gone. Sigh. Sniff. Sniff.
Permanent Change of Station (PCS) season is upon us, and along with it comes an emotional rollercoaster filled with mixed feelings, stress, and unfortunately a heaping dose of chaos. We make the lists, check the boxes, do the paperwork, run the errands, and make ten more lists. It’s enough to make us all need a live-in shrink to survive this crazy time. It’s okay. Put your seatbelt on, hands on the wheel, and foot on the gas. By preparing emotionally for a PCS, we can make it through with some sense of sanity.
1. Know that change is hard.
Change, especially when preparing to PCS, is both challenging and stressful. There is always a feeling of fear, anxiety, and uncertainty. Your entire life is packed in a box sitting somewhere in transit. In fact, you may not even know where your ‘life’ is actually located at any given moment, as it sits in a semi-truck on the traveling the interstate. With all of these twists and turns and peaks and drops occurring at a furious pace, a PCS can be emotionally overwhelming.
It’s overwhelming because we essentially leave behind one life to start another; we give away our possessions and farewell our support network. We catalogue all the ‘lasts’: the last time eating at the little deli down the road, the last time going to a favorite shop, the last time parking in this driveway, the last time sleeping in this house. Moving is stressful and tumultuous, and it’s completely reasonable to feel like you are a damsel in distress. Simply knowing that drastic change (like a big move) is hard, better prepares us emotionally for a PCS.
2. Communicate above and beyond the norm.
I’ve written on the importance of communication before, and I say this with great humility because I have experienced the negative consequences of my own poor communication: excellent communication will minimize stress and better prepare you to emotionally manage the PCS.
Maximize both verbal and non-verbal communication. Hold weekly meetings with your spouse to verbally discuss the progress of your impending PCS move. Weekly meetings eliminate day to day nagging and provide structured accountability for your family. Consider placing a written PCS moving checklist on your refrigerator to promote non-verbal communication and to decrease stressful verbal communication within the family. I’m going to be honest and share that I get a little anxious sometimes, which results in my ridiculous tendency so shriek, “Did you do this! Did you do that!” Clearly, my shrieking is not helpful. The written checklist can also help your family visualize progress on your PCS moving-checklist. Hyper-communication eliminates the element of surprise, which in turn, helps reduce stress and encourages more balanced emotions when preparing for the PCS.
3. Make time to de-stress.
As often as possible, go out and do something for yourself to take your mind off the stressful process of moving. Grab a cup of coffee with friends, share your struggles, and listen to their encouragement. Sharing my struggles with a friend validates my feelings and lifts my spirits; sometimes a quick venting session is just the ticket.
Make a concerted effort to take care of yourself. It is so easy to say we have no time for exercise or to eat well, but we all need these things to maintain high energy and to relieve stress. Connect with a support person: your best friend, a close family member, or your pastor. Leading up to the PCS, take breaks often to clear your mind, reminding yourself to simply focus on one thing at a time. Do your very best to de-stress often to maintain emotional balance and better prepare for the PCS.
4. This too shall pass.
The best part of moving is that it’s temporary. It is only a brief period of time during which all this craziness occurs. The idea that ‘This too shall pass‘ reminds us all that there is light at the end of the tunnel. We will all arrive to our new duty station, and before long, we will settle in and everything will start to feel like home again. After settling in at your new location, there are some great ways to build community to help you transition. For now, focus on the future and know things will get better.
Moving on military orders is an emotional rollercoaster, catapulting us in all sorts of different directions. We may long for the days that we sit in our comfort zone with a blanket and a giant piece of cake. You are going to have some good days and some bad, so take each day one at a time. Really focus on staying organized, communicating with your spouse, and de-stressing as often as possible. With a little emotional preparedness, maybe, just maybe, we will better enable ourselves to make it through the PCS with our sanity.
Want more on military life?
- 21 Long Distance Friendship Truths Only a Military Spouse Will Understand
- The One Thing You’ll Miss Most During Deployment
- 47 Things No One Tells You About Being a Military Wife
- 3 Telltale Signs You’re Friends With an Awesome Military Spouse
While this does sound terribly stressful to a fellow worrier and shrieker, ha, it also sounds a bit exciting. I have one friend moving from Hawaii to Virginia now and another moving from Georgia to Germany. I know it’s stressful, but it does seem interesting 🙂
Yes, we are super excited! The process of getting there is a bit stressful, but it will be so worth it!
Love this! We just went through our hardest PSC in 18 years to Germany, some days we had to remind ourselves that ‘This too shall pass’ sometimes by the hour 😉
Military life is so challenging sometimes, and moving across the world is the rarely a perfect process! Thanks so much for visiting!
I’m going through this right now! I totally hate change. I’ve had one breakdown so far. I’m really trying to stay positive about everything because I know there’s no other way we’ll get through it. It’s not the fact that we are moving, I could care less about that. We’re doing our first OCONUS PCS, and the thing that terrifies me most is that I’ll have virtually 0 support system over there.
Argh…military moves are so crazy! I absolutely love that you admit to having a breakdown because I’m so with you there!!! I quit keeping track of my emotional volatility, and I’m pretty sure my husband just wears an invisible blindfold and invisible earmuffs to block out my insanity, lol. Also, definitely with you on minimal support system when moving OCONUS PCS…will be future (possibly dramatic) posts on that for sure!
A few months ago I experienced my first PCS. I moved away from family and friends that I had been close to for over 20 years! Every day I reminded myself that it will get better. I also made twenty thousand lists to make sure everything was taken care of. It turns out that this was the best thing I’ve ever done!
Moving away from family is so hard and very emotional at times. We are getting ready to PCS to Japan and I can already feel myself anticipating the tears. I definitely need to make more lists though! Thanks so much for visiting!
I’m currently going through my first PCS since marrying my husband and it’s been beyond stressful. We’ll be moving from North Carolina to Japan and the one thing that drives me insane is my lack of control. All I want is to know when and how everything is happening. I’m a list maker and a planner, but the military life just doesn’t make all that possible for me! haha I hate having to wait for all my questions to be answered.
I’m a serious type a planner too! Totally relate to that 🙂 Military life is rarely conducive to the type a wife…sigh :/
I am currently preparing for my FIRST ever PCS from Hawai’i to Elizabeth City North Carolina! I am a bit OCD and don’t like being out of control so this is a little stressful for me. I am not sure how to deal with any of this! This was a good read though so thank you!
You’re welcome! Thanks for such an encouraging comment. PCS is always incredibly stressful for me. My brother in law was stationed in EC a few years ago and I have been there to visit. I’m sure it will be different from Hawaii in so many ways. Feel free to send me an email if you are ever looking for resources or support!
Thank you for the encouragement! I’ll be PCSing for the first time since getting married in a few months. Like many of the ladies commenting, I’m a planner and want to help my husband. Unfortunately, I don’t know HOW. It just ends up with me adding to his stress. If he’s not communicating on how I can help, what’s left for me to do?
I’m not sure if this is the best approach, but I tend to take the bull by the horns so-to-speak, lol. I have a moving checklist and a list of documents I like to keep in order for a pcs. Here’s a link to all my PCS posts with my checklists and such…https://themilitarywifeandmom.com/category/military-life/permanent-change-of-station-pcs/
I have stumbled upon your blog tonight and it has been a saving grace for me! We are moving to
Japan in a little over a month, and it’s been a stressful thing. Thank you for sharing your experiences! I’ve already sent my husband several of your posts!
Thanks 🙂
This is awesome. We have been the spoiled military family: husband wants to get away from home, joins service, meets amazing woman in California goes to japan for two years but comes back to marry said woman…11 years of service, 8 years of dating, 6 years marriage, a bonus kid and baby and an owned home later our first move ever all the way across the country. He doesn’t understand the loss/grief I’m feeling and at times I keep my feelings to myself and just talk amongst friends. This is going to be a hell of an adjustment and I hope that it shall pass.