Raising Kids
Inside: Learn the most important (and overlooked) reason why kids won’t listen, focus or sit still. Plus, get 25+ ways to help your kids build these important life skills.
My son climbed to the top of the monkey bars and snaked across them from above. He’s not strong enough to swing across arm-to-arm, so his solution is to catapult his legs up, pull his entire body on top of the bars, and slither across.
A mom walked up to me. “Your son’s on top of the monkey bars. Just thought I’d let you know so he doesn’t fall and get hurt.”
Shortly after, two kids walked up and said, “He’s on top of the monkey bars! He’s going to get hurt.”
Related: 2 Year Old Not Listening? Try This Remarkable Tip
It happened in other situations, too.
When I took my two kids to a Merry-Go-Round, and let them have it as I sat on a picnic bench watching from afar, parents and kids alike voiced their concerns.
“Someone is going to break their arm over there!”
“She’s going to fall and get hurt.”
“He’s spinning, and he’s going to get sick.”
Same thing when people saw my kids hanging upside down (per their own doing) for several minutes at a time.
“All the blood is rushing to his head. It’s gonna make him sick.”
“That’s too dangerous!”
Or when people saw my kids twisting and spinning around on a swing.
“Someone is going to get their fingers pinched!”
“That’s not safe. Put your bottom on the swing.”
The bigger issue occurred — for other parents — when my kids did these things and their children wanted to join in the “dangerous” activity. This is a common thread I see at playgrounds and when talking with parents I work with through parent coaching.
Related: How to Build Listening, Improve Cooperation Using a Printable Daily Schedule for Kids
Here’s the problem: Why kids won’t listen.
Children’s ability to move and play are being restricted more than ever. We are trying to protect them by saying “No climbing,” “No running,” “No spinning,” “That’s too dangerous,” and “Get down from there!”
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However, research shows that the drastic decline in “risky” outdoor play in kids is creating behavior problems. By constantly hovering over kids, restricting their movement, and diminishing their time to play, we are causing more harm than good.
“According the to American Academy of Pediatrics (2013), a recent study show that the average child spends eight hours a day in front of screens (television, video games, computers, smart phones, and so on). Older children and adolescents are spending an average of eleven hours a day in front of screens.” (Hanscom 2016
That’s a huge amount of time spent in front of screens, which provide little to no proprioceptive or vestibular input (which I’ll talk about in a second). In prior generations, this time was spent outdoors or in play.
This is the important part.
In order for kids to listen, focus and learn to sit still for a period of time, they must develop both proprioception and vestibular sense. The most critical time to develop a child’s proprioception and vestibular sense is before age six.
With all the time spent in front of screens and telling kids to sit still, avoid climbing, and stop jumping, it’s not surprising why kids won’t listen.
Proprioception is what tells you where your body parts are without having to look at them. This is the sense that helps you make sense of gravity. It’s the reason you can switch from the gas pedal to the brake without looking at your feet, or bring popcorn to your mouth without taking your eyes off the movie screen.
Without properly developed proprioception, kids can push too hard during tag, fall out their seat at the dinner table, or trip while walking up stairs. (You’ll see this a lot in toddlers as they develop proprioception, but you should see it less and less in kids ages four, five, six and beyond).
Vestibular sense provides information about where the body is in relation to its surroundings. This is the sense that helps you understand balance, and it connects with all the other senses.
When the vestibular system does not develop properly all other senses will struggle to function properly. Without a strong vestibular sense, kids will have no choice but to fidget, get frustrated, experience more falls and aggression, get too close to people when talking, and struggle with focusing and listening. Because they literally cannot help it.
Related: How to Handle Back Talk Like a Parenting Warrior
Helping your kids.
In order for kids to learn to listen, focus and follow directions as they grow, they need to develop proprioception and vestibular sense by experiencing many physical challenges during childhood.
Without it, kids can’t pay attention in school because they are too distracted by their own bodies. Putting clothes on, trying new foods, and finishing homework become insurmountable tasks when kids don’t have a strong vestibular sense or well-developed proprioception.
Study after study shows that kids today desperately need more physical activity. “John Ratey, an associate professor of psychiatry at Harvard, suggests that people think of exercise as medication for ADHD. Even very light physical activity improves mood and cognitive performance by triggering the brain to release dopamine and serotonin, similar to the way that stimulant medications like Adderall do.” (source)
Angela J. Hanscom, author of Balanced and Barefoot
While I’m not certain if her age-based recommended times are realistic or not, they are as follows:
- Toddlers → At least five to eight hours of active play per day, preferably outdoors
- Preschoolers → At least five to eight hours of active play per day, preferably outdoors.
- School age → At least four to five hours of physical activity and outdoor play.
- Adolescents → Physical activity three to four hours a day.
Here are a few ways to support your child’s vestibular sense:
- Spinning in circles.
- Using a Merry-Go-Round.
- Rolling down a hill.
- Spinning on a swing.
- Going upside down.
- Climbing trees.
- Rocking.
- Jumping rope.
- Summersaults or cartwheels.
- Using monkey bars.
- Skating.
- Going backwards.
- Swimming.
- Dancing.
- Wheel-barrel walks.
Here are a few ways to support your child’s proprioceptive input:
- Carrying or lifting boxes.
- Pushing or pulling a wagon.
- Build a fort.
- Rake leaves.
- Shovel snow.
- Pick up and put down heavy sticks.
- Dig in the dirt.
- Carry buckets of sand or water.
- Give hugs.
- Knead playdoh
- Jump on a trampoline.
- Chewing on something
- Squeezing a stress ball
- Playing Tug-O-War with a stretchy band
Related Posts:
Let the kids live “dangerously.”
As a parent, there are many times I’ve cringed and closed my eyes to avoid watching my child spin in circles, slither across the monkey bars or swing high into the air. It’s only natural to worry that something will happen.
But the truth is kids know what they need. Children with healthy neurological systems naturally seek out the sensory input they need on their own. They do this without thinking about it.
When they jump, swing, spin, pick up rocks or dig in the dirt, kids are doing exactly what they need. They aren’t intentionally doing it to get hurt, act rambunctiously, worry you or get messy.
They are doing it to help themselves become safer, calmer and happier kids.
Like Dr. Tina Bryson says, “You can trust development.” Her words have never been more true.
Download your free printable.
Chances are you won’t remember all the ways to support your child’s vestibular and proprioceptive development. This printable simplifies it!
Here’s a sneak preview…
- Download the checklist. Join 37,000+ parents who receive my weekly-ish tips and ideas and get the printable delivered straight to you inbox.
- Print. Any paper will do the trick, but cardstock
would be ideal.
- Place it on your refrigerator. Check off the things as you go and don’t forget a thing!
Many of these ideas come from a life-changing parenting book called Balanced and Barefoot: How Unrestricted Outdoor Play Makes for Strong, Confident and Capable Children.
Want more on parenting?
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- How to Get Your Child to Follow a Routine Without Reminders
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Thank you for this! I just watched my two year old son try and walk across the kitchen sink like it was a balance beam (a very skinny one!) you’ve made me feel better about holding his hand while he made it to the other side rather than yelling at him “get down that’s not safe” even though it truly is not safe.
Hi! Love what you posted. Because I’m a believer of letting my kids explore so that they can be good at navigating around. Most of the time I would rather encourage them to focus on what they are doing rather than scream stop.
However I do want to ask, if they are climbing out of their cot daily, they climb in too (when I ask them to go in) is it something that I have to stop? My mum and my mum in law is saying that it’s very dangerous. ? and I should put them on the floor instead.
Oh yes my twins are 23 months old. They are quite good at climbing. Very agile.
Would love to hear your thoughts
They will find something else to climb… says the mom who switched and then found her 18month old son had scaled a laundry pile to the washer, the washer to a counter top microwave, and the microwave to the TOP OF THE REFRIGERATOR! ? Perhaps their daily dose of climbing in and out of their crib/cot is what they need to avoid other higher escapades. You could always add a plush rug to soften the fall if you wanted. You are the mum; do what you think works for them and you, not the Grammies.
My son started climbing in and out of his crib very early. He was good at it, so I didn’t worry about it. He’s just a climber of anything. For kids who seem fearless little fall might instill some healthy fear of what his/her limits are.
I don’t remember what age my son was when he first climbed out of his cot by himself. What I did was leave the side down so it was less dangerous and put a stool next to his bed. Maybe I made it too easy but I think the focus for him was being independent rather than filling a need to be climbing things. He was sleeping through so I wasn’t worried about him getting up alone in the middle of the night.
I thought this was common sense? Tell a kid no only makes them want to do it more. Im the opposite worh my two and they are angels. Same goes for teenagers. Tell them they cant do that and you bet your butt they will sneak to do it. Also educating them early on things instead of shielding them from it does wonders for when they get older as well as not lying to them about santa and the easter bunny.
Maybe its time to shift to a bed?
I loved and agree with what you wrote. Very enjoyable! My daughter is past 60 now and im nearly 86. Keep up the g ood work!
My daughter was such an active little girly! Climbed out of cot before she was one ! Everything you can imagine! She just needed to climb. I got her out of a cot and put a mattress thick adult mattress on the floor then popped a baby gate on her door. Made her room free from furniture to climb loads of cushions she was super happy climbed around till she moved onto the next phase !these behaviours are like waves , they wash over and another replaces it. Just enjoy the moments before the next wave x
Girl!!! Your articles are spot on!! How were we neighbors in Oki and I didn’t even know you!? Ah I missed out on an awesome mom friend opportunity! Please keep writing and creating and I will be happily following!!!
Lauren,
As a mother, grandmother and as a former educator with a master’s degree in early childhood education, I truly appreciate you sharing the research on the need for children to be consistently involved in active play and exploration. This is how young bodies and minds learn, grow and literally survive and thrive in their environment. It also gives children a sense of respect and awe with regard to their own bodies and the natural world. If you think of climbing on top of the monkey bars as a both a mental and physical problem solving task, it changes your perspective with regard to safety. Children are incredibly physical beings. Given the opportunity they will find a way to navigate a challenge and only ask for help when they truly need it. If we continue to deny the opportunities to meet both mental and physical challenges head on, kids will become less and less willing to challenge themselves; thereby losing the chance to grow and gain confidence in their own physical and mental abilities.
I think of my 20 month old granddaughter who will sit for 20 minutes trying to put on her own socks and shoes. When offered help she will repeatedly say, “No.”
Why? Because some of the time she is successful. She is learning. Do we always have 20 minutes for her to do this? Not always, but then my daughter will put her in the car seat and allow her to continue trying on route to our destination. Will she drop her shoe? Maybe, but that’s a learning opportunity too. Once we reach our destination, if she still hasn’t gotten them all on, she’s told, “Good try, let me help you. Then next time you can practice some more.”
At one time I was teaching 2nd and 3rd grade children. Everyday, we would take a mid-morning snack and 15 to 20 minutes outdoor break (they also had a mid-day active recess during their lunch period). Very rarely did the teachers at this grade level do this, because they said there wasn’t enough time to complete all the necessary school work. On the contrary, I found the kids so much more rejuvenated and responsive to our following lessons. Several parents told me they requested their child be in my class, because they saw the need for their child to be physically active throughout the day.
These are two simple examples, but I’m sure every parent can think of an empowering moment in their childhood where they experienced a physical/mental triumph like riding a bike, climbing a tree or swimming on their own. Think about how you felt
and how that helped you approach other physical/ mental challenges you grew up. We can’t complain about kids be idle or consumed with technological devices if we don’t model and provide them with challenges throughout their child hood. Kids don’t grow up do what you’ve told them to do, they do what Is modeled and experienced.
Thanks again for sharing this important, research-based viewpoint.
How do you deal with a preemie who just doesn’t have the core strength. My son is almost 4, and he just keeps getting hurt. We try to spend lots of time outside, I let him climb the angled rock walls (with help) and play on the big kid equipment by himself. I let him stand on chairs to help and even climb furniture to reach things, so I feel like I am giving him opportunities to develop his vestibular sense. I have read articles with similar research before. But he just keeps ending up in the ER. He just remains so clumsy! Stitched split lip, head injuries, straw through palate (partly), and so many smaller ones. And I really do stand right there to try to catch him when he does the hard stuff, but even everyday living is a challenge. Any advice?
Unless he has other medical issues, I wouldn’t expect being premature to cause core weakness. Perhaps you could request a course of pediatric physical therapy &/or occupational therapy. They can recommend specific activities to develop that core strength AND the vestibular & proprioceptive training. Plan to observe the sessions, so you can follow-up and continue the activities at home.
I would think about having his vision checked. If his eyes aren’t teaming together it can cause these kinds of problems. In order to do all these activities the kids need to be able to see the “space” and accurately judge it so they don’t get hurt.
I am a vision therapist and see this quite a bit. Once the kids learn to use their eyes together, their whole world changes.
We have the same thing. A preemie 4-year old whose ambition outweighs her skill and balance. She is always falling off things in a way that kids her age don’t usually do. We try to do lots of activities to help her build her strength and coordination but it is pretty tricky – you don’t want to spoil the fun and she needs to learn from her mistakes – hopefully without breaking too many bones!
Thank you for such a wonderful lecture may you not get tired on bringing lesson to help our kids in this world
There’s so much to gain from letting them move! Great article and ideas, thanks.
My kiddos love to play “faster, faster, boom!” Which is a game they invented that essentially is just spinning til they fall down. They only hit their heads sometimes. And a little upside down time has rescued us from some serious meltdowns.
This is why astronauts train for months getting used to a spinning environment. Eventually after a lot of practice, their brain and body can function efficiently in space. They should have spent more time playing on merry go rounds and spinning swings when they were children. Maybe they did and developed enough confidence to seek out such a challenging and exciting occupation.
Great article! I completely agree! In my day, kids played outside from the time they woke up, till it was dark outside. And we did so free and unsupervised. We participated in all sorts of “dangerously” fun adventures and lived to tell about it!
Flash forward…. 30 yrs later and I was chasstissed by my own Mother (the one who let us roam freely, as youngsters) for letting my kids use sticks as imaginary swords. Too dangerous, she said!
Well, I will say that in the neighborhood I grew up in there was a boy who had one eye that he had lost due to a stick going in it during “stick play.” Completely unintentionally on the part of the other little boy, but because of that, I’ve always been no-go with my kids with any sort of playing with sticks.
Exactly! I prefer to prevent than to sorry later. My son can be free in a save environment proper to his age and current skills. There is a difference between give freedom, motivation and neglecting… As an adult you are responsible for their safety
Fantastic article … forgotten parenting in the modern age. The other mistake these days is to assume that kids who “sit and listen’ are the mature ones. It is equally valid to assume that the kids who get out into the word exploring it, planning adventures, studying the world around them and developing their curiosity and determination; are really the advanced children. The ‘sit and listen’ types are more docile and compliant characters. But of course more comfortable for parents. Is it really true to say that kids who make life easy for parents and teachers are the more mature and advanced?
You get what you expect. If you expect your child to sit through a movie or a dinner in a nice restaurant that’s what you get. If you let your kid run rampant with no discipline or rules you end up with a child who does what ever they please and no respect for the teacher or other adults. Second if you don’t teach your kid patience or general rules of society they are now a pain in the ass to teach in pre school and kindergarten. Because they can’t listen to instruction or pay attention. As a preschool teacher with strict parents I am at a loss with these horrid children. Who whine and can’t follow direction.
I’m totally with you on having high expectations for your children and teaching them to respect their teacher and other adults. I urge you, however, not get in the blame game with your students’ parents. We all know that no one wins at the blame game and who loses the most is the child. I’m the mother of 3 boys…3 very active boys (twin 4yr olds and a 2 yr old) of which one of the twins gives me the most “trouble”. Now to give some back story, we are strict parents expecting our kids to act a certain way, but this one child is determined to test us! I’ve gotta give it to his stamina! But we’ve come to manage decently at home, of course with some days better than others. I have received some complaints though about his behavior at preschool. One of his teachers is great and we’ve been working together to come up with some solutions to help his behavior. Another teacher, however, is playing the blame game. As a parent “on the other side” I can tell you that we don’t not care. We’re all trying to do the best we can for our children and for you. We don’t want your day any harder than it has to be. There’s no rule book on parenting children, so please refrain from a judge-y way of thinking. Fast forward a couple weeks after the initial notice of a behavior problem at school, turns out he was having a bit of separation anxiety and acting out after I would drop him off. He now has a picture in his backpack of the family to hold and look at whenever he wants and we’ve also made it to where dad drops him off in the mornings. It was the collaboration with the teacher that wanted to work with us that helped solve the problem. Do we still have some bad days? Sure. But it’s definitely been a huge improvement and we will continue to work with him and his teacher in the best way we know how.
BTW, loved the article! We are an outdoorsy family and I too have received comments from other mothers (even my own!), “Do you know your child is doing X, Y or Z?” Glad to hear I’m not wrong in letting them do their thing as long as they are not hurting anyone. 🙂
Nope, I’ve always empowered my kids to embrace anything physical (as long as it doesn’t involve breaking anything that belongs to someone else). My 6 1/2 yo son? Still doesn’t listen to a word I say, and it’s pretty infuriating!
In the UK, I have NEVER heard any parent or child (e.g. in the park) say anything about what my kids (or any others) are doing as being too dangerous etc.!! I keep an eye on them to ensure they are safe from others, (I take them to self defence classes too).
I ageee that they need to move about a lot more than they do, and to this end, I think formal ‘sitting down at a desk’ education really does start too early (but that’s the law). We are fortunate that we have a garden I can let them escape into (my only rule is no mud in the house), and they do a couple of physical after school activities. However, I have no idea how to get 4-5 hours into them AND homework etc.!!
If you homeschool, you can. I get what she’s saying and I agree, but unrealistic for families who don’t do homeschooling.
My daughter went to France. They had about 4 hours outside, rain or shine. She stopped taking her medication.
Love this article!!! Do you have any other documents to support it? I feel like not everyone is listening —- Love that you cited some sound professionals, but wondering if you also have the evidence based supports.
There is actually a lot of misinformation in this article. One I can give off the top of my head is the connection she makes between the vestibular system and risky play time. The vestibular system is essentially your inner ear. Developmental issues in the inner ear will lead to chronic vertigo. Risky play time will not help to develop this system. I would do some fact checking before totally buying into this. However, I do agree with the notion that screen time is effective our children in negative ways, just not as it pertains to the inner ear.
Josh, Thanks for your feedback here. You’re absolutely right, the vestibular system is your inner ear (aka inner ear balance system). Healthy kids need lots of sensory input, which often comes in the form of risky outdoor play. This sensory input channels into the vestibular system and helps it develop properly.
If you are referring to vestibular disorder that is diagnosed by a doctor (and if this is suspected, a doctor should be seen), they do regularly prescribe exercises or vestibular rehabilitation therapy (VRT). Evidence has shown that vestibular rehabilitation therapy can be effective in improving symptoms related to many vestibular (inner ear/balance) disorders.
That being said, for the purposes of this article, I am referring to healthy kids who need adequate vestibular input to develop the body’s balance system. Risky play (such as climbing trees, going upside down and the other suggestions provided inside the post) DOES help the vestibular system learn how to balance the body. Overtime, as this system develops, kids gain better control over their bodies.
If you’re looking for evidence of VRT for vestibular dysfunction, here are some scholarly articles:
McDonnell MN, Hillier SL. Vestibular rehabilitation for unilateral peripheral vestibular dysfunction. Cochrane Database of Systematic Reviews 2015, Issue 1. Art. No.: CD005397. DOI: 10.1002/14651858.CD005397.pub4
Herdman SJ. Vestibular rehabilitation. Curr Opin Neurol; 2013:26:96-101.)
As a Mom and an OT (Occupational Therapist), I really enjoyed this article. I know that many commentators asked for direct references or how to achieve that many hours of active play. While I don’t have resources off-hand, it is important to remember that just like our other senses require time to develop and fine-tune (such as a baby’s vision improving over time, or relating a sound, smell, or taste to its source), the vestibular and proprioceptive systems also need time to develop and fine tune, though they take longer than the classically thought of “5 senses” (there are 8, at least). Just as a child first learns to roll, sit, crawl, stand, walk, jump, skip, hop, etc., the body needs to be able to accommodate and adjust to the feelings of balance and position in space with each development. The younger and more opportunities the individual has, the better developed the children will be. As you mentioned, the optimum time is before age 6 – the approximate age most children begin school. Before that, whether in daycare or at home, it is so important that they are on the move and challenging themselves to try new things. Structure is important for many children, too, but screen-free active engagement (indoor/outdoor) is vital to their development.
I agree.
It is possible for kids to have mild concussions from too fast spinning. The body stops but the brain doesn’t and hits the side of the skull.
I let a boy spin as fast as he could push himself and he ended up throwing up repeatedly afterward, only to have to go to the ER and get diagnosed.
He had to take it easy for a while and I don’t think it was worth it.
Some kids don’t know their own limits and they need you to say “GET DOWN! This is not a jungle gym.” And teach them to do something else.
Haven’t you people heard of climbing gyms?
Jill,
For a detailed citation list, there are 80+ references inside Angela Hanscom’s book Balanced and Barefoot. Many of her references are from articles contained inside scholarly journals. Her work is highly researched and cited, which I love! Highly recommend taking a look if you are interested in diving further into the research on this topic.
Thanks so much for this! My son is 16 months old and LOVES to play outside, dig in the dirt, water the flowers, etc. It is so fun to see him enjoying and exploring nature. This is something I really need to work on making sure he gets every day. Since I have to be out there with him while he’s playing (our yard is not completely fenced in), it’s all too easy to say “Mommy’s busy with the dishes right now” or such. Being intentional about giving him that time is so important. Thank you for the reminder! 🙂
I agree with letting kids spend as much time as possible outside and not watching screens, which is what I do. However I don’t agree with the notion that we shouldn’t set rules and tell them when not to run, not to climb, etc. My son is 3 and he is recovering from his third broken toe (he broke 2 toes on two separate occasions when he was 2, and now broke a third one last week). I used to let him do his thing and figured if he got hurt he’d learn his lesson and never do it again.
Nope. Not the case. Every kid learns differently. Also, my husband and I unfortunately cannot afford these medical bills even with insurance. Being able to let your kids do whatever they want without teaching them consequences is a luxury that many of us cannot afford.
Just my 2 cents.
I think one reason parents are hovering and (maybe) overly cautious on behalf of their children today is that if the child gets hurt, it could be catastrophically expensive–even with health insurance–xrays, tests, hospitalization, physical therapy/occupational therapy, etc. can wipe out a family’s finances quickly. And that’s just the money expense. We know more about concussions and traumatic brain injuries now and their potentially lingering effects. The activities listed in the article are all great, as long as the child is being watched by an attentive adult.
Agreed. An “attentive adult” at the playground nowadays is called a “helicopter mom”
This! I say this all of the time. I feel like I’m constantly torn because I don’t want to be a parent that is constantly worried about my kid hurting himself, but I know if he did break an arm or have to get stitches it would kill our finances. I feel like even just a few years ago when he was born it wasn’t as expensive as it now. And we are lucky enough to have steady and above average income and an employer that provides insurance. We also have the added joy of every single person carrying a camera in their pocket ready to document our “negligence” and plaster it all over the internet for others to shame and judge our parenting or in some cases actually call police. I get a little frustrated when the phrase “back in the day I let my kids do etc..” because I know, I was one if those kids back in the day
i don’t believe you have to be far away sitting on a bench to develop these skills in a 1-3 years old. I never wanted to risk an unnecessary painful injury or a hotline for lack of supervision.
I totally ageee that all the above activities are great. I agree, but I feel there are physical risk to weigh when you want to be 20 feet away. I’ve been called a helicopter mom and I don’t care it doesn’t offend me. My son isn’t bubbled wrapped in the house but I was extremely eyes on and close enough to catch him when he was in high spots in the toddler years. I see your point but age of the child has a lot to do with how close a parent should be in my opinion. Obviously your children are fine but some children do get brain injuries and broken arms that could be avoided if a parent were near by to catch them. Which in itself gives then a great sense of security and trust with their parent.
Marsha, Absolutely! It’s really looking at the age and development of the child, providing the support they need to take a little bit of risk, while at the same time protecting their safety. There’s a lot a 1-3 year old can do safely – like push or pull a wagon. Whereas in a high playground setting, the child would need a parent much closer to ensure safety. It’s all about common sense and knowing what is best for your individual child.
Can I add to this…a child will remember that something hurt (like pinching fingers in the chains on the swing) and not do it again. But when mom says it’ll hurt, that is like a challenge to prove that it wont. Let them fail and make mistakes, its a great learning tool!
I love this! I am hoping to gain some insight from you and other parents. My daughter is 5 and starts kindergarten in August. She is extremely active and I am in a panic as to how we go about meeting her needs once she starts full-day school. She will get home after 3 in the afternoon and we start our nighttime routine at 7. How do we fit in all the activity she will need? She wants to play soccer and she loves to do art. I just feel like there isn’t going to be enough time in the day. What do you and other parents do? Thank you!
Is it legally required that she be in full day kindergarten at age 5? That’s a long time for a young one her age.
Explore how much “free/active” time she will get at school. It may be that they already know that kids need supervised play-time and work that into the schedule.
Thank you. It is time someone said something. My kids swung from trees. Slid down homemade flying foxes. Climbed along the top of walls and were allowed to just explore life. Now I look at the overbearing “care” exercised by governments due to them not wanting to take part in law suits and my heart bleeds for freedom. The legal profession has done the world a disservice by allowing people to sue others for their own stupidity and lack of common sense.
Please explain just how a kid should get 8 hours of play time a day? Who on earth has the ability to play 8 hours outside a day? Know what I think? I think your article amounts to mom shaming. Dollars to donuts says your aren’t outside playing 8 hours a day. Also, there is a difference between risk and unreasonable risk. Allowing a child who isn’t strong enough to play on a monkey bar the way they were intended to be played on is an unreasonable risk. Your example is nothing more than shock value for your blog. Get a clue.
8 hours of active play (preferably outside) can be legitimately anything. Indoors too. If you’re telling me your child sits down for that long every day then you’re the one who needs a clue.
My kids are awake from 5am til 730/8pm. That’s 14.5-15 hours. Let’s say they spend 3 hours eating because let’s be honest.. It takes them forever sometimes.. There’s still 12 hours left in a day. One hour of screen time, 2 hours for miscellaneous (baths, sitting in the car etc) and there is legit PLENTY of active play time in a day. Even if your child still naps. It doesn’t all have to be outside. Indoor play can be just as active. If you feel attacked by this article maybe it is you who isnt spending time wisely.
Great article and it puts the scientific perspective on what we’ve all known in our gut. I get this response all the time, especially from the well-meaning grannies here in the Middle East :). One point I like to make is that heart disease is one of the biggest killers, and a good foundation of physical activity vs. couch time is a great preventative. Secondly, a kid who hasn’t developed his climbing and jumping skills naturally at a young age is likely the one who breaks his arm on the class field trip or scouts campout, since learning one’s limits and how to fall “safely” is a big part of early development. Also when kids have had plenty of spontaneous exercise they seem hungry for the right kind of foods! My son is now obsessed with his fit-bit and scored over 30,000 steps one day from playing at the park for a few hours. He didn’t even notice he was doing an intense cardio marathon. And I never hear “I’m bored”….from my own kids at least ;). The other day my two littles drew a crowd watching them power across the monkey bars, from above, below and swinging by their feet. I didn’t realize they had learned such outstanding skills. Maybe we should open a circus :).
You are absolutely right! Another sad piece of this problem is that many parents are afraid of having “concerned” bystanders call the police or CPS and schools are afraid of being sued if a child is injured on campus. These fears, unfortunately, are legitimate.
Hi
I’m a neurodevelopmental movement therapist and a mom to teenagers (they had their little issues when they were younger)
I tend to work with children who generally had a traumatic birth and the nervous systems have taken the brunt of it.
This is so well written and very easy to understand. Thank you for the article. Proprioception and popcorn….love it!!
Thank you so much.
I’m all for outdoor play and risk-taking, and given that we live rurally with no TV and almost no screen time my kids get plenty of active play. I agree that this is vital to normal human development. But I also think it’s important that children learn, from a young age, about the impact they have on those around them – especially more vulnerable people. For example, my older child and his friends have free reign to play their endless mock-fighting games, and swing off and over playground equipment in whatever ways they choose when it’s just them. But when there’s younger kids around I expect them to set the example. I believe that the best teacher of a little kid is a big kid – so when little kids see big kids taking risks they tend to take the same risks. So I pull my kids up in the playground if I think they’re setting a bad example for others. I reckon this helps them take responsibility for their actions, and also builds leadership skills, since it often leads to them coaching younger children on how to ‘safely’ play rough.
Excellent!! Yes!
I love this!! As a mom of a very adventurous and independent 2.5 year old boy, I am constantly feeling like he is going to get injured but trying to push that fear down as I let him experience life. I grew up in the south and in the country so we had a lot of freedom. My most fond memories of childhood are playing outside for hours on end. Even though as a parent myself now I slightly cringe at the things we were allowed to do, I know that it gave me confidence, taught me to be independent, gave me the chance to problem solve on my own. I want that now for my son but with all of the parenting “rules” today it almost feels like bad parenting. So thank you for this article. It makes me feel so much better! Like I’m actually being a good parent by letting him be a kid like I was.
Where did this data come from? I would really like to see the study:
“research shows that the drastic decline in “risky” outdoor play in kids is creating behavior problems”
An interesting article, and I agree with the general ideas in it, however 5-8 hours of basically rough/free play for any kid no matter what age, has been unrealistic for any urban/suburban family for at least as long as I have been alive. Back in my golden age of the late 70s (I was born in ’72) I was lucky then to get 3-4 hours outside on a good day. I will say that my parents, while keeping an eye on us, let us get a few bumps and bruises, and that is the difference between then and the “helicopter” parents of today. Actually I’m pretty sure there were helicopter parents then, but we didn’t call them that. Instead, us kids just called the kids of such parents “wussies.” LOL. Unfair bc it wasn’t the kids’ fault! Anyway, we all do our best, and who can fault parents for protecting their kids right? I hope I can be a perfect parent and strike the perfect balance between protection and exposure, but I won’t be, and neither will anyone else. Meanwhile, yes, let’s absolutely try and make sure that outside playtime exceeds inside iPad time by a significant margin.
My 4.5 year old has been learning to use the monkey bars, with help, this summer. He thought he could do it on his own at daycare and fell. He ended up fracturing his humerus and has been in a cast for the last 4 weeks. That doesn’t slow him down tho. I’ve learned that I can’t stop him or slow him down myself so all I say is ‘be careful’ or ‘let’s not break another bone today.’ His only response is ‘kay.’ While we haven’t broken any more bones, that doesn’t stop him from giving me heart attacks and calming myself down while I let him explore himself and his own boundaries.
I agree. My motto is: I’d ratjer they learn their body boundaries now while they’re small than when they are taller & stronger (& climb higher) & can get hurt because they haven’t developed the skills they need to conduct their bodies safely when they are older.
Smaller bodies can’t climb as high and have less weight when/if they fall. That’s how they learn their own boundaries.
Very interesting topics
Love this article!
At least five to eight hours of active play per day?? Are they serious? This is not even realistic! Who the heck is going to be outside or in parks 5 to 8 hours per day supervising a toddler outside? Because obviously we can’t just take a 5 yr old outside and leave them there.
Why not? My four and five year olds play outside unsupervised in our yard, not fenced in. I check on them. I come and go outside. They do the same. We have cold winters. Americans have become watch dogs with their kids. It was not always this way. Many of my friends shut the door and make their kids stay outside for several hours unattended. They play. Read Bringing up Bebe on the French culture of raising children, as it provides some great insights!
Thank you for this fine article about the importance of movement in the early years, and particularly in the explanation of the important movement senses of balance and self-movement. Every minute spent in front of a screen takes away that time to develop those essential senses. In my work as a movement educator with young adults on the autism spectrum this phenomenon is seen as well, and some of our movement work is done in “re-stepping” foundational movements in order to open the pathways towards learning, social relationships, and eventual independence.
Yaaaassss! This is all clear textbook information that I learned when studying brain development in my ECE classes about 20 years ago. This is perfectly and so well explained. Wonderful and thank you!
With the way school is draining my kids they have no time for play. They removed gym to p.e. once a week. My son gets home at 330 than has homework till 530/6. After that is dinner, by the time he can play it’s 730 and bedtime is 8 so he can have rest for the next day. When the weekend finally comes he has enough weekend homework that it’s around 4 hours total. School is heading in the wrong direction. My kids hate school and dread going bc it’s just sit down and listen. He is only 8 🙁
WOW! That’s absolutely crazy.
Complain and write letters and set up meetings with teachers! Or find a new school! Or homeschool. Or start your own school. My neighbor just did. I homeschool, but I know not everyone can. Stand up for your child!
thats crazy…but i’ve seen kids with a lot of school work ..like hours…and 8 yrs old..we were playing sports, played flashlight and freeze tag at elementary age with all the other kids in our neighborhood, or dodge ball, 4 square , jump rope…and we had at least 1/2 hour recess at school…most adults don’t have that much work to do after their job, why expect it of a kid???
Thanks for your thoughts here Janet. Unfortunately, the education system is wrapped up in meeting government standards rather than utilizing evidence-based research to guide elementary education. Countless research studies show that homework in elementary school leads to no better outcomes than if the kids had no homework at all.
Hey, I cannot download the printable. I subscribed, but got nothing in my email, so I came back to the article and try to find a place to click it to print off… I cannot! Please help meeeee! lol
A great article! I am staggered though at those average screen times. 8-11 a day?!!! I mean I thought average was that a week!
Loved this article and what it supports “Let the kid Play” they know what pain is and parents know what will truly injure the child and no parent will let that happen. The kids need to test their limits(that might be to high for me I will stop here) and learn from their mistakes ( the last time I was going this fast I fell). Or come up with your own scenarios. I am a PE teacher and follower of Dr Ratey and all the ideas of getting the kids and everyone to move more. Learning from their surroundings is vital to the way we see things as we grow up. Stephan Ambrose wrote a book about Custer and Ctazu Horseamd in that book he told of how the Indians did not keep moving the toddlers from the area close to the fire they allowed them to find their it how hot the fire was for themselves. I am sure this was hard for the moms then as it is now when they watch their child fal and get scraped, they heal they are not Lladros and will be fine and learn something from the experience. Thanks again
My daughter homeschools (Elem Ed degree-doctor husband) and because of this, they are able to go on a long hike every day! The difference in the kids’ is amazing – nonsleepers sleep, focus increases 1000%, less squabbling, more interaction – but theres always the other people who huff and puff around because the kids are too adventurous! (like climbing more than 2′ off the ground!) One is a gymnist and climbs EVERYTHING!! She let the kids dress themselves and guess what! by the third day, they dressed accordingly!! (it was cold outside) This older generation has grown so fearful – sex predators, drugs, violence – that were NOT so much in evidence (if at all) when I was young – I used to be gone on my horse all day long and no one even knew where I was! There was an “odd man” in our neighborhood and us kids were told to never go into his house – we didnt! nor did we taunt him…everyone just left everyone else alone…I DO fear for my grandchildren – but they have exceptional parents who let them explore and engage and find out for themselves. They ARE criticized for it sometimes but they just ignore them (and me, sometimes!) Its great watching them grow up so healthy in mind, spirit and body!!
Completely agree re need for kids to develop their motor and Visio-spatial awareness/proprioception. That said, some kids have trouble with attention and sitting still anyway! My son is a national level freeride skier and is out moving 4 full days a week with limited screen time and still….can’t sit still lol
I’m guessing that three hours outside does not apply to winter months because it’s ridiculously cold in the Midwest this winter and I can’t imagine taking my two year old and pregnant self outside for play time…20 minutes, yes, but three hours in the winter???
So what’s a good alternative to that? I bet I don’t even have to come up with the list. ?
This is packed with precious information. I strongly agree that children should not be “oversupervised” when they are enjoying activities which may be a bit risky. It is necessary for them.
I totally needed to read this! I am SHOCKED at the amount of hours outside a kid needs because mine gets like less than 30 min a day and he goes BONKERS so much at school and gets in trouble. I kept thinking he is adhd or autistic or something mentally wrong with him with the jumping and spinning and driving me insane. He is NOT addicted to screens and so I cannot rely on the ipad or phone to make him sit still.
Now I have to get him outside more. how? I am a single mom, he’s in school all day with no playground time most days (too cold or too hot or he gets in trouble or its raining. I swear he never gets to do anything he is the hyper impulsive one in his class and his teacher always says he has rough days and making her have gray hairs.) anyway, I am going to make effort to have dinner going and get him out and eat and go back out. Poor thing. he has never had hours and hours of play outside. he’s 5 and I hope it isn’t too late.
This is the kind of thing I was wanting to see /hear for years.
As a physical education and health teacher for my career (32 years) …and a former teacher of the year….I can still recall my undergraduate work at URI where we learned that children only seek the challenges that they are comfortable with….like swings, slides, monkey bars, a trapeze, see saws, etc. It’s like the Readiness Theory. They DO what they can…what they feel comfy with….and where there’s a bigger challenge, they rely on us to guide them through the next level…..with our own confidence and assistance. Those words about readiness and comfort still ring true to this day…and I would say….expose your kids (and those you teach) to as many challenges as they can take as …..success in small doses reward the participant with self esteem, courage, well being…and those attributes last a lifetime and guide us through OTHER life-difficult challenges!
I absolutely love this! I try so hard to let my kids play hard but it made me feel like a horrible parent that I was letting them do all these things that I used to do as a kid that is no longer “approved” activity. I will keep this in mind and follow my gut to allow them to be kids and learn by play! Thank you!
Good for you, getting the plain truth out!
I wrote a fun, short, informative book on this that goes into a little more depth. If you want more info, check out
Dragons & Daisies: Keys to resolve Baffling Behavior in Early Childhood Education
My ready-to-rule-the-world 6 year old grandson was safely at home one day, under the semi-watchful care of high school age siblings. When his father came home, the father found his young son running in large circles in their large back yard, no shirt, light snow falling, and as happy as can be.
Great for letting all the kids play outside all the many hours that you said but on the other hand the parent is neglecting the child when he sees he could fall from something there’s nothing wrong with telling him to get down or stop you can go on to do something else doesn’t make sense to me makes sense to me not so much TV and Electronics I agree totally but the rest I don’t Why would I want to watch my child get hurt if I could prevent it when there’s other things they could do old-school mom
As a 72 yo former mother and now grandmother, I agree 100% with this article. And I didn’t need the studies as my kids were growing up!
I always knew what my kids were doing and where they were. But they were rarely aware of me. They needed the space and the time to grow up. The only times I would intervene would be if there was truly a problem or a fight between kids or any kind of bullying. And they were disciplined if they misbehaved or did not follow the rules.
My theory of parenting was that I was in charge of getting these kids to become independent functioning adults so I gave them every conceivable opportunity to try any and everything. They were required to do their own laundry at age 6. (Supervised, of course!) A six-year-old loves doing laundry. They would put the clothes in, the soap in, climb up and turn the knobs on and shut the lid. When the laundry finished, they would get to put it in the dryer. When dry, they would get to put their clothes away. Guess what? At age ten they had no excuse for not doing their own laundry!
Boys are especially needy of activity. They are wired to be active. They actually learn while they move. If you want to have an important conversation with your son, ask him to accompany you on a walk. He will listen and remember it far better than if you sat him down.
As a parent, we are not there to make our children into our pre-defined image of what they should be. We need to watch and observe them and facilitate the growth of the moment. And kids learn more in the first five years of life than all of the time after that!
Five to eight hours a day of play outdoors. Right now it’s 30 degrees in Minnesota, I wouldn’t let a toddler play more than an hour outside in our temperatures. I think what’s important is to limit screen time, encourage crafts,games, books,building toys.
Excellent read and so educational! I have 4 kids (ages 7yr to 6mo) and I love learning how to be a better parent to them and their growth.
Question: if proprioception and vestibular sense aren’t fully developed by the ages youre saying and we are seeing the negative impacts, what can we do to counteract these impacts? I think I already know the answer but I want to be sure. ?
I am hoping you may be able to help me in a somewhat different situation. I run a daycare center and my philosophy is different than most centers. I encourage our children to run, jump, tumble, rough house, climb…….all the things that now are being discouraged in most centers due to liability. We have a wonderful large indoor space where this can take place…it is not a gymnasium but a large room with lots of climbing equipment and space to run I know about all the recommendations regarding outdoor play and we do that in the summer and warmer weather all the time but during the winter months there is no way the toddlers and sometimes even preschoolers can move like this outdoors in the snow and cold. Even our Pre-K children, given the choice in the winter would prefer to use the large motor area to outdoor play. I know this sounds silly but I am a fresh air freak and we have large windows and I have the windows open and sometimes it is really chilly inside but with the kids running and playing they could care less. How do I communicate to parents the importance of this play?? They all want their kids outside but the State requirements are 20 to 30 minutes per day……..that is it. When I allow my children to play in our large motor area they may literally get at least 2 1/2 to 3 hours per day to participate in this activity. And what kind of suggestions do you have for outdoor play….we are in a rather small fenced in area. I am a dinosaur in the age of what kind of physical activity I allow…..and I share this with my parents when I interview them……..letting them know we encourage active “dangerous by today’s standards” play. I just would love to hear your input. My center is licensed for 40 children but we work with between 32 -36 full time….and if you remove the infants from this number we are probably talking about physical activity for 28 to 30 kids. Thanks so much
“However, research shows that the drastic decline in “risky” outdoor play in kids is creating behavior problems”
Can you provide that research? I agree with most of what you wrote but I think it is a big stretch to correlate allowing “risky” play with “creating” behavior problems. We adults must still teach our young children awareness of danger and scaffold their development with appropriate activities. Sensory seeking behaviors are complex. Your article could be construed as “permission” to let kids do whatever they want, perhaps even before they have the cognition to make sound choices. Adult supervision *is* important — balanced with encouragement and freedom to try new and challenging things.
Michele Rogers, PhD; CDC Ambassador—-Learn The Signs, Act Early (https://www.cdc.gov/ncbddd/actearly/index.html
Michelle, Thanks for your honest and thoughtful comment. Absolutely, adult supervision *is* important. To me, it’s really about looking at the child’s age and development level and deciding when it’s okay to take a step back and watch from 10, 20, 50 or more feet away. Parents have the judgment piece, kids are learning, but they need guidance. It’s a balance that is often not a simple answer. You have to look at the child – as you said “teach our young children awareness of danger and scaffold their development with appropriate activities.” I 100% agree. For a detailed list of citations, I highly recommend grabbing a copy of Angela’s book, which is filled with citations.
I got to this article through Facebook share of one of my Portuguese Friends (writing from Poland, so you have the reach). As a father of two (Son is 8, and Daughter 12), I must admit, it is sometimes much easier to park them in front of TV and pretending being “responsible parent” as they only watch chosen content on Netflix or other platforms. As my Son shows some nervous ticks, we took him to many Physicians, even Psychologist and Psychiatrist. Common diagnosis was, he is completely fine, just needed somehow releasing his spare energy. Worst way of spending time for him, following they words, is watching moving content on the screens. Well. We put him to the number of activities. Some dance classes (his choice) and played more attention. It works so far.
I agree w/ the article, but, unfortunately, I know more & more parents who are too afraid to let their kids engage in “risky” playful behavior, because if they get a bump on the head or a broken bone, & parents have to take them to the hospital they then face the chance a doctor may call CPS on them. Just look at videos on youtube regarding this issue. It’s rampant. Decent parents w/ zero history of child abuse living through a nightmare, because a doctor called CPS on them after their child fell, & bumped their head or fell & broke a bone. It’s no wonder we have a generation of helicopter parents these days.
This article is wonderful. I have two boys and I live in Dubai. There is security everywhere, or people who work in play areas constantly telling children to stop doing ‘dangerous’ things. It doesn’t feel right. It is not a path to joy. You have defined what I was feeling, and given me clarity on the fact that I would like my children to grow up somewhere different, near a lot of wild places, and have adventures.
Spending too much time in front of the TV is not recommended. Especially that it can be harmful to health.
I always decide ‘this time I will not say anything to my children’ and I end up telling them don’t fit this don’t do that be careful’. The saddest part is most of the time people make you do that. Last week I took them to a shopping mall and they were having fun when some ladies were giving me looks. I felt really bad it’s not that they were running or something. They were talking about something and laughing bit Loud you know boys how they’re usually. My boys 6.5 years and 4.5 years old are best friends so they Do enjoy together. Sometimes or I should say most of them times they give me hard time by running around and laughing or talking loud. When it’s a nap time for their baby brother it becomes a challenge for me. I don’t like telling them hey I need a pin drop silence I know they’re kids and they want to enjoy but my little one wakes up so easily with noises. Any tips pls
This is probably the best article on this topic I’ve read. This sounds like an article for those who treat their kids like “museum pieces”. Now, if we could get parents to understand ahead of time (before deciding to BE a parent) these things are part of the demands of raising a child.
Understand that there’ll be challenges and sacrifices to the potential parent. Oh, and to those who view their child as an “idol” or “royalty”, then shower them with gifts just for existing, well, there’ll be some “rewards” and rough waters ahead for you. Best thing you can spend is time WITH your child and not money ON them just to keep them outta YOUR hair. On the other side of the coin, too many folks out where given and then passed on the WC Fields method (Go away kid, ya bother me!) with their offspring, resulting in kids that raise themselves. At one point in their lives, they find themselves getting reprimanded for something they’ve “never” been taught in the first place. Lastly, it’s the “eleventh hour” parent that realized that they need control AFTER that, uh, is it age 3-6 or something? Anyway, after that window closes, good luck. It’s hit or miss depending on the situation after that. Again, great article!
Wow… an awful lot of words, but yes, the nut of it I agree with. Parents don’t let their kids be active enough, and they totally over-protect them from getting hurt. Kids need to swing and jump and scrap in the dirt. They need to get cuts, bruises, skinned knees, and unfortunately yes, sometimes, they’ll get a tooth knocked out or a broken bone. But it’s either that, or keep raising them in plastic bubbles with electronic toys, which is turning them into mindless zombies. Ouor zeal to protect our kids from injury is also preventing them from growing up and developing.
this is impossible unless you own a home with a backyard, no one can stay outside with toddlers for 8 hours a day!:(